Grow through Divorce: 2006

Ten Commandments for Formerly Marrieds

1. Thou shalt not live in thy past.
2. Thou shalt be responsible for thy present and not blame thy past for it.
3. Thou shalt not feel sorry for thyself indefinitely.
4. Thou shalt assume thy share of the blame for thy marriage dissolution.
5. Thou shalt not try to reconcile thy past and reconstruct thy future by a quick, new marriage.
6. Thou shalt not make thy children the victims of thy past marriage.
7. Thou shalt not spend all thy time trying to convince thy children how terrible and evil their departed parent is.
8. Thou shalt learn all thou can about being a one parent family and get on with it.
9. Thou shalt ask others for help when thou needest it.
10. Thou shalt ask God for the wisdom to bury yesterday, create today and plan for tomorrow.

- Jim Smoke, Growing Through Divorce

Sunshine after Rain

Sunshine is much more
valued after endless days of rain,
as is joy after sorrow,
faith after it is tested,
peace after times of turmoil,
trust after betrayal,
hope after disappointment,
and love after it is lost.
So whatever good
you have today,
be truly grateful for it,
for tomorrow it may be gone.

Just For Today

Just For Today, I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Just For Today, I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that “most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Just For Today, I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my lot as it comes and fit myself to it.

Just For Today, I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study; I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just For Today, I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticize not one bit, not find fault with anything, and not try to improve or regulate anybody except myself.

Just For Today, I will exercise my soul in three ways; I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out. If anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don’t want to do—just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may hurt, but today I will not show it.

Just For Today, I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests—hurry and indecision.

Just For Today, I will have a quiet half hour with myself and God, and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective of my life.

Just For Today, I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give, so it will be given to me.

- Sibyl F. Partridge

How To Survive a Divorce

Ten things to do when you realize divorce is inevitable

1. When the reality of divorce hits you, stop long enough to commit your entire situation to God through prayer, and ask Him to provide you with help, guidance, and emotional support.
2. Call your best friends and ask them for their prayers and emotional support.
3. Stay in touch with your feelings and share them with people you can trust.
4. Don’t spiritualize your situation. You may have to live out a bad decision that someone else has made.
5. Don’t panic! Remember, no matter what happens, God is still in charge.
6. Contact an attorney to find out about your legal grounds.
7. Make a list of all your fears. Then make a list of all your resources.
8. Pull as many members of your family around you as you can. Ask them for their love and support.
9. Attend a Divorce Recovery Workshop and participate in the small group discussions. Read Growing Through Divorce many times.
10. Remember, healing takes time. There is no quick fix for a divorce.

- Jim Smoke, Moving Forward

Triumph in the midst of tragedy

Like a fire can destroy a whole forest, so divorce can destroy our lives. For awhile, it feels like recovery will never come. But new life can spring forth from the ashes! The Grow through Divorce blog is intended to build hope and a new direction for life.

Is there life after divorce? With God's help, not only is survival possible, but there is also a unique opportunity for personal growth. Many have found help, hope, and healing.

Discover how it is possible to not just go through your divorce, but to actually grow through it, too. Why not join over us on the journey toward recovery? Let's make this an upbeat and encouraging group—avoiding all griping and complaining!

My plan is to regularly post uplifting thoughts and point you to resources that will help you grow through divorce.